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Quote #2566 (+7) [ 2005-02-05, 00:36 ] [ + | - | X ]

<bkuebler> My kid is sick....
<bkuebler> So he went to bed late last night...
<bkuebler> was crying at 04:00 this morning.
<bkuebler> then at 05:00
<bkuebler> then just stayed up...
<bkuebler> then puked all over the place during breakfast.
<bkuebler> Wheeee!!!!!!
<linc> technicolor yawn
<dstate> ouch
<dstate> i would all contract that out to the woman
<bkuebler> when he barfed, he said "look daddy, my favorite cerial"

Quote #1750 (+5) [ 2004-03-18, 22:48 ] [ + | - | X ]

<JunkzZzZzZ> im gonna go get laid! :P
<sabretooth> Junkz, leave Sticks alone!

Quote #3111 (+1) [ 2005-11-27, 20:29 ] [ + | - | X ]

<Fod> uwe boll
<Fod> the man is a genius
<Fod> no doubt about it
<Fod> no one could possibly be that hopeless, so the only alternative is that he's simply misunderstood

Quote #1496 (+10) [ 2004-01-09, 23:27 ] [ + | - | X ]

<m> "Penguins have extraordinary pooing powers, according to a team of scientists from a German university. They went to the Antarctic to study the creatures, and found they shoot their poo 38 centimetres from their nests. The scientists worked out the penguins' poo comes out at more than four times the force a human can manage"
<j> I see a new version of Tux Racer

Quote #2293 (+8) [ 2004-09-19, 12:40 ] [ + | - | X ]

<eDust> is it talk like a pirate day again?
<CaptWedgie> aye that be correct eDust
<knowsfords> really? man it seems like only a year ago it was talk like a pirate day
<CaptWedgie> and i figured meh, may as well run with it. lol
* CaptWedgie slices knowsfords with his cutlass
<eDust> well then, i'm going ashore to raid the supermarket. back before midnight
<CaptWedgie> hahaha
<knowsfords> yarr I be bleedin' all over me pirate pants
* eDust is now known as eDust_away
* CaptWedgie tosses knowsfords off the UGBow to feed the sharks
* knowsfords uses his hook to sew up the wound with some catgut
<knowsfords> yarr! they don't want to eat a peice of manly leather like myself...
* knowsfords rides the sharks
* knowsfords makes out with his shark wenches
<knowsfords> avast tis a pirates life.
<CaptWedgie> hahaha

Quote #4363 (+2) [ 2008-08-16, 17:26 ] [ + | - | X ]

<@Agg> i'm so hip i can barely see over my pelvis

Quote #3396 (0) [ 2006-06-06, 20:55 ] [ + | - | X ]

<monoxide> if i had a small penis id use one too
<monoxide> :D
<porky> indeed
<Remote> yeah well... having a small penis is something I ahve to live with every moment of my life
<Remote> you and your threesomes.
<monoxide> i think im getting your email
<monoxide> :(

Quote #1123 (+7) [ 2003-10-13, 10:32 ] [ + | - | X ]

* Saganami slaps echelon upside the head with a phone book
* echelon grabs the phone book and looks up the number for 000
<Saga> rofl

Quote #4075 (+1) [ 2007-04-10, 23:24 ] [ + | - | X ]

<@Agg> http://www.overclockers.com.au/images/rusvod1.jpg <-- this is quite nice :)
<@Sciby> oh, you finally cracked it. What's it like?
<@Agg> ..quite nice
<@Agg> strong flavour tho
<@Sciby> Nooo... like smooth, does it have any interesting flavours, etc.
<@Sciby> I assume it would be smooth.
<@Sciby> As smooth as vodka gets.
<@Sciby> Apparently Gin and Vodka are the same thing - made the same way, from the same thing, except gin has the juniper berries and stuff in it. I dunno how true that is... I should look it up.
<@Agg> yup, that's wot i've always been told
<@Agg> gin = vodka + juniper
<@Agg> they're pretty much ethanol + water anyway :)
<@Agg> sipping a shot to jog my memory btw
<@Agg> smooth texture, strong banana flavour
<@Agg> no wait, wrong hand, that's a banana

Quote #46 (-1) [ 2002-11-04, 01:28 ] [ + | - | X ]

<K|dDO> ROFL!!!!!!!!!!
<K|dDO> MY MUM BOUGHT that home and away video!!!
<K|dDO> ROFL!
<Falkor> K|dDO, is it good? contemplating buying it for my gf.
<K|dDO> Falkor: watching it in a sec....

Quote #582 (+14) [ 2003-05-21, 18:59 ] [ + | - | X ]

<Antihero> Man.
<Antihero> My sister is insane.
<Antihero> "What's your internet account name and password?"
<Antihero> I go "Why?"
<Antihero> And she goes "I'm going to cancel it."
<Antihero> I'm like "What the fuck?"
<Antihero> Then she calls my step dad and he starts telling me off.
<Antihero> My family is insane.
<Antihero> I go "What the hell are you on about?"
<Antihero> And he goes "I don't know."
<Monkfights> Hahahahah!
<Monkfights> Gold. Pure gold.

Quote #488 (+13) [ 2003-04-22, 19:22 ] [ + | - | X ]

<Grog`> a good immunity is to piss on yourself twice daily
<Grog`> i've been doing it for years
<Grog`> and i haven't caught SARS

Quote #129 (-2) [ 2002-12-03, 03:03 ] [ + | - | X ]

<SHizz> that stuff is like impossible to get of , like rub of , so i had to like lick it off

Quote #1706 (+3) [ 2004-03-01, 18:10 ] [ + | - | X ]

<Nozz> ahh, man it's good to be home
<knowsfords> Nozz: missed fondling the relatives?
<FreeFrag> He's probably busy with his sis*cough*
<FreeFrag> Oh, he's back.
<FreeFrag> Hi Nozz. *side glances*
<Fod> which head are you glancing at?

Quote #2682 (-2) [ 2005-04-14, 15:48 ] [ + | - | X ]

<Mred32> Metal forks are good. Leave them in a feild for 6 or 8 yrs until they get really rusty and them use them to tear the face off of someone you really dislike
<Mred32> ...err did I say that?

Quote #1931 (+10) [ 2004-05-07, 02:56 ] [ + | - | X ]

<Firemoth> a nap? I need a full sleep.. I'm going to head to bed in a moment I think.
<Firemoth> Have to get up at 10am
<Nozz> <@Firemoth> a nap? I need a full sleep.. I'm going to head to bed in a moment I think. <-- what he said
<Nozz> <@Firemoth> Have to get up at 10am <--- what he said
* Nozz wonders if Firemoth is reading his mind?
<Firemoth> * Nozz wonders if Firemoth is reading his mind? <-- what he said

Quote #1464 (+1) [ 2003-12-29, 17:55 ] [ + | - | X ]

<Sim0n> oh dear god, if i ever lost my cable connection, i think id rather hang upself with the 56k modem cable than hook it up to the socket

Quote #4341 (+2) [ 2008-06-30, 14:56 ] [ + | - | X ]

< Radar> Fuck waking the dog for a joke
<@Agg> i hope you missed an l there and not an n

Quote #2282 (+7) [ 2004-09-09, 05:15 ] [ + | - | X ]

(TensopAway): argh
(TensopAway): 120 watt amplifier + 94dB sensitive speakers + accidently leaving your amp on full volume + PC alarm clock = very, very very bad.

Quote #653 (+17) [ 2003-06-11, 04:23 ] [ + | - | X ]

(FenrisOlf): Your Personal Day of Death is...
(FenrisOlf): Saturday, January 12, 2019
(FenrisOlf): fuck you deathclock.
(Darkness): lol

Quote #1113 (+3) [ 2003-10-12, 00:23 ] [ + | - | X ]

<clockit> agg doesn't have a credit card
<fenix> clockit why not?
<clockit> well why would he?
<clockit> credit cards are a waste of money
<Agg> clockit - has thetron loaned you his magic arse?
<clockit> no..
<clockit> do you have one Agg?
<Agg> stop talking out of yours then, coz it's wildly inaccurate
<clockit> oh sorry
* clockit apologises profusely
<Agg> I have a citibank gold visa with 13k limit on it.. and have never paid a cent of interest.. so apart from being wrong on all counts, you're doing great.

Quote #643 (+2) [ 2003-06-09, 17:56 ] [ + | - | X ]

<z3[n]> divx player is playing all my movies upside down...
<z3[n]> wtf?
<Quadbox> z3[n]: Dude, just because you're drunk doesn't mean you're allowed to sit on your head

Quote #549 (+12) [ 2003-05-14, 00:55 ] [ + | - | X ]

(Quadbox): Whoa... I must be smashed... Just saw my toe, and thought it was some sort of insect, so I stamped on it... :p

Quote #349 (+5) [ 2003-02-22, 12:09 ] [ + | - | X ]

<FreeFrag> you think your safe. You say something silly, and then an op steps out of the Darkness (lol a pub ;)) and inserts you in the topic.
<FreeFrag> gah a pub rather
<FreeFrag> PUN FFS
<Yaleman> lol FreeFrag
* Darkness submits to smokeyou.
<sabretooth> FreeFrag: dork!
<FreeFrag> *sigh* *sob*

Quote #1259 (+1) [ 2003-11-01, 13:51 ] [ + | - | X ]

<Sleepy> i feel so dirty, im going to actually spend money buying a celeron

Quote #300 (+1) [ 2003-02-03, 11:11 ] [ + | - | X ]

<Chemix> i wish i had a seamonster in my pc

Quote #2630 (+1) [ 2005-03-18, 11:47 ] [ + | - | X ]

[ bkuebler]: wait.
[ bkuebler]: allow me to check my facts.
[ bkuebler]: I am an idiot...
[ rjbs]: You needed to *check* that?

Quote #2768 (0) [ 2005-05-19, 23:49 ] [ + | - | X ]

<@n00dle> you should be a mac reseller
<@Brains> Ha. I'm too ugly.
<@n00dle> But macs are underground
<@n00dle> you could wear a big cloak so nobody sees you
<@n00dle> just a talking shadow
<@n00dle> Introduce yourself as Malcom OS-X.

Quote #2899 (+4) [ 2005-07-25, 09:54 ] [ + | - | X ]

<Narcolepsy> I could, I suppose, go and drop off my crank.
<Lexi> er... crank?
<Narcolepsy> Crankshaft.
<Lexi> Sounds kinky? :)
<Narcolepsy> Getting it reground and balanced, and possibly other work done to it.
<Narcolepsy> And if they can press the gudgeon pins out of my pistons, they can balance and shot peen my conrods while they're at it.
<Lexi> Either you're talking about a car, or you're talking about some very interesting sexual fantasy. Which is it?
<Narcolepsy> Car. Engine rebuild. Go fast bits. No sex.
<shift> i thought it was both
<shift> the car was part of his sexual fantasy
<Narcolepsy> I DENY!
<Lexi> Is its semen black?
<Narcolepsy> Yes.
<Lexi> Ah, so it WAS a sexual fantasy :)
<Narcolepsy> And it leaks lots of it every day.

Quote #4096 (-1) [ 2007-04-28, 10:14 ] [ + | - | X ]

<Shaun2> 160,000k's old, and front has been a bit odd ever since I ran into that lady. So I figure it's time to change em.
<gazzreq> did you just hit her car?
<gazzreq> you hit an actual lady?
<gazzreq> and she ruined your suspension
<Shaun2> Oh, ahahah no it was her car.
<gazzreq> ohh ok
<Shaun2> Would have to be a fatass lady for her to fuck up my suspension :P
<gazzreq> or she'd have to go under the wheel or something

Quote #9 (+14) [ 2002-10-21, 06:35 ] [ + | - | X ]

<Rage-sifnt> ffs, i have a WHOLE cow stuck in my braces
<othy> Rage-sifnt, i can think of worse places to have a whole cow stuck
<knowsfords> othy: in a barn?

Quote #2246 (+4) [ 2004-08-16, 20:16 ] [ + | - | X ]

<Nozz> I wonder if it's any coincidence that two of the women in the women's shooting atm are named "Suzanne"
<_DDsD> At least it isn't the weightlifting and their name's "John"

Quote #887 (+2) [ 2003-08-12, 20:28 ] [ + | - | X ]

<klif[W]> no patching RMIT production servers against Win32.Blaster.Worm
<XiTatiON> hehe stupid worm
<XiTatiON> i bet all our fucking clients get it :(
<XiTatiON> i bet i cant get it due to my firewall arangments
<Agg> you have fucking clients? wow, i just have advertising clients.

Quote #1541 (+8) [ 2004-01-20, 20:11 ] [ + | - | X ]

<ozzmosis> From: "Lesbian L. Plenipotentiary" <imackinnon@cinemexicano.com>
<ozzmosis> plenipotentiary, n. A diplomat who is fully authorized to represent his or her government
<ozzmosis> spam has taught me something today
<ozzmosis> that's not meant to happen

Quote #2769 (+2) [ 2005-05-20, 09:01 ] [ + | - | X ]

<@CapnChron> I wanted hail last night
<%zyrorl> why capn?
<%zyrorl> get car fixed on insurance?
<@GM> so he could get stoned
<%zyrorl> rofl
<@GM> literely
<%zyrorl> haha
<@CapnChron> hahaha

Quote #110 (-1) [ 2002-11-21, 04:06 ] [ + | - | X ]

<Rainwulf> er the 9500 is gay
<Rainwulf> get 9700
<K|dDO> er the 9700 is gay
<K|dDO> get 9700 PRO
<Moose> bah
<Moose> Everything is gay

Quote #1009 (+17) [ 2003-09-07, 22:05 ] [ + | - | X ]

<knowfords> anyone know of one of those puzzle sites that "workout" your brain
<@Frag|Shwr> www.microsoft.com
<@Frag|Shwr> Navigate through it.

Quote #723 (+1) [ 2003-07-04, 01:09 ] [ + | - | X ]

<bundy> i did gender studies this semester because it was full of girls.. then i realised they were all feminists

Quote #2156 (-3) [ 2004-07-18, 21:17 ] [ + | - | X ]

<mazzanet> to get ops type /server op #overclockers
<mazzanet> :P
--- alphalink.melbourne.oz.org gives channel operator status to Nick
<Nick> awesome

Quote #1677 (+2) [ 2004-02-23, 01:14 ] [ + | - | X ]

<WoobiE> wee, some guy killed 2 people a few hours ago 20km from me, fled on a quad
<nwatts> :|
<WoobiE> his ex-girlfriend and her young daughter.. nice guy
* PolishMani has quit IRC (Quit)
<nwatts> hrmm
<nwatts> i hate death
<WoobiE> yeah.. that guy is a prick
<nwatts> did you known him personally?
<WoobiE> weve had drinks a few times, but that black hood and reap give me the creeps
<nwatts> hahah
<nwatts> funny man

Quote #1068 (+4) [ 2003-10-04, 10:25 ] [ + | - | X ]

<Matthew> fuck
<Matthew> im so behind :P
<Matthew> i feel noobie again
<Fod> again?

Quote #2634 (+5) [ 2005-03-21, 20:40 ] [ + | - | X ]

<Falkor> gonna send my gf a txt
<Falkor> 'HAHAHAH I HAVE A PORNO WITH KATE RICHIE IN IT HAHAHA SHE HAS BIG JUGS'

Quote #2034 (+2) [ 2004-06-06, 12:12 ] [ + | - | X ]

<DrillSGT> THATS RIGHT ASH
<DrillSGT> I HAVE INVADED LIKE A US GENERAL IN NAZI GERMANY!
<TXtoucian> So you got kickbanned?
<DrillSGT> erm . you mean I kicked ass and fucked hot german bitches ;)
<Carl> WTF?
<Carl> Where "hot" == "filthy german bitches beating you with bratwurst"

Quote #2405 (+18) [ 2004-12-01, 12:39 ] [ + | - | X ]

<Owen> Kirsten has been listening to Britney Spear's greatest hits non stop for the last three days
<Skitzo> Uhh
<Skitzo> Britney Spear's greatest hits?
<Skitzo> Is it a blank CD?

Quote #2824 (-2) [ 2005-06-16, 17:43 ] [ + | - | X ]

(cln) haha..
(cln) my dad just got a card from a kid he sponsored
(cln) he had no fkn clue who it was from
(@kloud) lol
(cln) 'who's it from dad?' 'how the fuck should i know'
(cln) he was getting heaps angry
(cln) thought he had a secret admirer
[@tom] HAHA

Quote #3434 (+4) [ 2006-07-07, 11:52 ] [ + | - | X ]

Teddybear: Anyways, learning about anything pregnancy related seems like a worthwhile way to spend time. You never know when you're going to have to deliver a baby in an emergency :p
Teddybear: it's on Lazerus Long's list of things humans have to be able to do, anyway
Homicidal: "A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, build a wall, set a bone, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects."
Homicidal: okay, so it wasnt on the list afterall

Quote #1683 (+6) [ 2004-02-23, 19:58 ] [ + | - | X ]

(Tensop-): if i was to become dictator/prime minister of australia... the first thing i would do is ban polyphonic and melody ring tones.

Quote #3147 (+8) [ 2005-12-17, 19:00 ] [ + | - | X ]

[18:59] <David> any of you nerds talk to jessica this morning before she left for the lan?
[18:59] <David> mention anything about stealing my fucking mouse?
[19:00] <moda> lol
[19:00] <FreeFrag> <MeowMix> I bloody hate David....he's a fucktard.....I'm going to steal his mouse, that'll teach him.
[19:00] <FreeFrag> Yeah.
[19:00] <David> are you serious?
[19:00] <moda> lol
[19:00] <FreeFrag> I thought she was a little harsh, but *shrug*
[19:00] <yaleman> lol
[19:00] <Grosby> rofl
[19:00] <David> okay.. are you kidding? :p
[19:00] <David> because i have a whole array of revenge material here
[19:00] <FreeFrag> No seriously, I just looked up my logs dude.
[19:01] <David> *looks at her laptop*
[19:01] <David> show me the log :p
[19:01] <Grosby> steal it!
[19:01] <Grosby> aww lookit da ugwee widdle face
[19:01] <Grosby> n da hand aww
[19:01] <moda> ...
[19:01] <FreeFrag> <MeowMix> If he comes in later, tell him that he's never getting this mouse again, and even if he does get it he wont want it *puts somewhere rudez0r*
[19:01] <Grosby> up her clacker
[19:02] <David> oh great
[19:02] <David> did she mention specifically where it is?
[19:02] <Grosby> up her clacker
[19:02] <FreeFrag> Let me look....
[19:02] <David> maybe she might find her shit out on the footpath when she gets back? :p
[19:02] <Grosby> am I being too crass?
[19:02] <FreeFrag> Lot of talking in between her lines
[19:02] <David> what time was this btw FreeFrag?
[19:03] <FreeFrag> <MeowMix> No seriously guys, I've had enough of him, the least I should do is steal his mouse...he'll never find it.
[19:03] <FreeFrag> David, no timestamps :(
[19:03] <David> yeah i could sell it to you ocau nerds
[19:03] <David> okay FreeFrag you've had your fun :p
[19:03] <David> i call bluff
[19:03] <FreeFrag> I call gullibility factor = *VERY HIGH*

Quote #2544 (+7) [ 2005-01-28, 10:41 ] [ + | - | X ]

<Maniac> this week has been an anus horribilis with regard to netbanking and freight
<ruprecht> annus :)
<BigTonka> hehehe otherwise you might need some special ointment ;)
<Maniac> lol

Quote #1864 (+4) [ 2004-04-22, 01:28 ] [ + | - | X ]

<echelon> wanted: Sexy, thin, huge jugged hot chicks to pay to have sex with Erve
<Erve> they should be grovelling for the privledge
<Erve> them and their mothers